Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
