If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize