I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
