He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
