soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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