Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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