I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
