Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
