you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
