3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
