Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
