Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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