Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
