she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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