Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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