you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
