you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
