man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
