I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
