I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
