one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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