...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God I need to hump something, right now.
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