the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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