Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
