im drinking this country out of the recession.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
