So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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