He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
