my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
