We're facebook friends in real life
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
