hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
