I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
