Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
