Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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