There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
