Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
