I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
