Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize