Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
