wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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