hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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