we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We're too hungover to prance.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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