thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
