Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
tell me about the eggs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
