i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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