I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
