I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
