i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
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