There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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