You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
