yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
