The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
