Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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