We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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