and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
