she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
