everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
