did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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