Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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