It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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