my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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