Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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