Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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