no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
