I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
