It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
