i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
