The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Randomize
