I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
