i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You left your phone here
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