I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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