Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
