I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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