Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
