I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
