Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
