ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
