I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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