Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
