In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
