Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
