What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
