you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
