I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
