Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
