is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
