are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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