Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
