He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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