R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
