just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
