Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
