one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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