So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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