Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
