that's an acceptable place to lick
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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