You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
