Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
