Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
