Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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