It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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