YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
