spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
