i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
