All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
