He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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