I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize