Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
