We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
