I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
