I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
