Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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