your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
