just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
