he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
