I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
