He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
